My body my pleasure

Realising how much I’ve internalised racism, homophobia and other kinds of rejection and how much it’s been at the centre of my life causes me so much grief. Rejecting myself is painful too, but at least it’s on my terms. All about control… it’s not control, though. It’s actually fear.

Let’s face it, I’m now clearly a grown up on the verge of being old. Even writing it down gives me palpitations! Moving from country to country wasn’t enough to deal with internalised shame. Only I can set myself free. I’ve processed most of my anger and resentment towards my parents, institutions and more importantly myself.

Now it’s time to love myself enough to live the life I say I deserve without fear. Well less fear to begin with… baby steps. Less fear, less anger, more patience, more feeling of safety within my body. That’s the biggest one by far.

Safety, feeling safe is the new black.
Oh and more pleasure. Less guilt too!